Had infection that time. was shivering and had fever. couldn't see doc cos andy's relatives from muar were here for 2 days. I couldn't take the engorgement and attempted to get help from breastfeeding support group, joyful parenting help and other lactaction consultants. no help was available as it was a Sunday. I beared with the pain and continued expressing my milk every 3 hrly interval. wanted to give up breastfeeding then.
my sis smsed cheryl who then contacted yen ping. yen ping called me on tues and i went down to see her. sharon, a lactation nurse and yen ping, then helped me to massage and taught me how to use the pump. my breasts was still very badly blocked. They cleared most of the lumps but it was really a tortorous experience. i cried during the process. told yen ping that i wanted to give up. she encouraged me and taught me how to boost my milk supply. bought fenugreek and went home to pump. hubby is really a source of support. he supported me in whatever i do. bought nipple shield, breast pump, breast pads, nipple cream, milk bags and fenugreek just to support me in my breastfeeding career.
Was rather scared when my breasts were hard the next morning and couldn't pump out much. Had a phobia and told andy that I din wanna breastfeed anymore. but felt very guilty towards my baby (I couldn't give her the best), my husband (who spent so much money on breastfeeding equipment and time and effort in driving me down to see lactation consultant), my sis, cheryl and yen ping as they had given me lot of help and encouragement. Really appreciate them but it was me, the useless mummy, who gave up in the end. :(
Cried again on and off whenever I think abt breastfeeding. Knew I would regret my decision but really couldn't take the physical and mental torture. Tried to compensate by spending more time bonding with my children (could now carry her when she cries and attend to my son when he's back) and also tried to take over more burden from my hubby who's very tired with supporting me and taking care of both children while I was breastfeeding the other time.
This will always be my regret that I did not persevere enough in breastfeeding. Hope my dear children would not blame me for not giving them the best in the future even though I love them dearly.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
1st few days home
Could return home on 2nd November. Settled down after a while before baby cried and I latched her on. However, breasts started to harden and was rather painful. latched on and pumped out. yield was v. little. around 20 ml.
Kayden came home when I was expressing milk. He thought I locked him out and he banged the door and shouted for me. Could hear his fear. I quickly opened the door and let him in. Couldn't spend much time with him cos veyr busy with expressing milk. Felt so upset. He was excited to see his mei mei. sayang her and then sat beside the playpen looking at her even though we told him it was time to sleep. he finally agreed to lie down after we switched off the lights.
Was very engorged the next day when I woke up. Quickly called the lactation consultant hotline and left a message for yen ping. guess she was v. busy. in the end, huiling, a lactation nurse called and she said the only appt she has left is 1.15pm. i rushed to have my lunch and went down. She taught me how to massage and pumped and told me to put cabbage leaves in my bra all the time unless it's for expressing. She also mentioned that I had cracked nipples and possible infection as I have red spots on my chest. The whole process was excruciatingly painful. I held on tightly to the table while Huiling helped me to massage. cried very badly during the process. after the appt, paid and went to the pharmacy to get denzen to reduce the swelling. the person at the counter took his own sweet time and i was in so much pain that i teared. another pharmacist saw and assisted me in getting the medication. called my younger sis and in the end, she took time off and sent me home. was very thankful to her.
Kayden came home when I was expressing milk. He thought I locked him out and he banged the door and shouted for me. Could hear his fear. I quickly opened the door and let him in. Couldn't spend much time with him cos veyr busy with expressing milk. Felt so upset. He was excited to see his mei mei. sayang her and then sat beside the playpen looking at her even though we told him it was time to sleep. he finally agreed to lie down after we switched off the lights.
Was very engorged the next day when I woke up. Quickly called the lactation consultant hotline and left a message for yen ping. guess she was v. busy. in the end, huiling, a lactation nurse called and she said the only appt she has left is 1.15pm. i rushed to have my lunch and went down. She taught me how to massage and pumped and told me to put cabbage leaves in my bra all the time unless it's for expressing. She also mentioned that I had cracked nipples and possible infection as I have red spots on my chest. The whole process was excruciatingly painful. I held on tightly to the table while Huiling helped me to massage. cried very badly during the process. after the appt, paid and went to the pharmacy to get denzen to reduce the swelling. the person at the counter took his own sweet time and i was in so much pain that i teared. another pharmacist saw and assisted me in getting the medication. called my younger sis and in the end, she took time off and sent me home. was very thankful to her.
Stay at KKH Hotel
After delivery, i latched Yi En on and she suckled for a long time. Later, food was sent in but I was very afraid of vomiting due to epidural so I din dare to eat. Andy fed me some rice and the black bean soup so that I can get some nourishment. Vomited a little after that. Was very weak and sleepy when they sent back to the ward. The room is very different from the one that we gave birth. It really resembles a hotel room. Will upload photos soon.
Dr. Irene Chua said that I could be discharged the next day. I decided to stay an extra day as I wanted more time to rest. During the stay, I learnt to latch Yi En. However, I also missed Kayden very much. cried a couple of times when I missed him. Called him n talked to him. He came to visit me on both days n he was excited to meet his sister. Could sense that he was a bit insecure. Cried rather badly when he left. Never felt so miserable in my life.
Dr. Irene Chua said that I could be discharged the next day. I decided to stay an extra day as I wanted more time to rest. During the stay, I learnt to latch Yi En. However, I also missed Kayden very much. cried a couple of times when I missed him. Called him n talked to him. He came to visit me on both days n he was excited to meet his sister. Could sense that he was a bit insecure. Cried rather badly when he left. Never felt so miserable in my life.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Delivery
After Andy said that we are heading down to kkh, i quickly bathed and washed hair and brought my boy to my parents' place. was rather sad when i said bye to kayden. He looked so confused.
Picked up my sis and we reached kkh at 8plus. my sis and andy went with me to the delivery suite. did admission procedures and was sent to delivery room 5. My mid wife is Joyce Heng and she settled me before gynae came.
Dr. Irene Chua came and did ve and said 5cm dilated. midwife asked me whether I wanted epidural this round and i said i wanted to try going without epi this time. Dr. bursted my water bag. could not tahan the pain after some time. Told another midwife Patricia about the need for epidural. The anesthestist came and administered the epidural. could feel electric currents running down my right leg as it jerked. after epi, i was so much happier. there were some itchiness and i try to tahan.
midwife patricia came to help me pass out my urine. gosh, din realise that i had been holding my urine for a long time. passed out a lot. the midwife said it should be soon cos after clearing, baby will have space to move down the birth canal. true enough, i felt the pain even though i used epidural. told her that i can feel the pain and she checked and said i'm ready to push. pushed 2 or 3 times and then said to hold on. gynae's coming. pushed another 1 or 2 and my darling Yi En was out at 11.01am.
She cried really hard and she was red. very different from her bro who was looking around the room curiously and quietly. latched my gal on after they cleaned her up. her weight was 2.59kg, her length was 47cm and head circumference was 30cm. We were then sent to Ward 81 Room 23.
Picked up my sis and we reached kkh at 8plus. my sis and andy went with me to the delivery suite. did admission procedures and was sent to delivery room 5. My mid wife is Joyce Heng and she settled me before gynae came.
Dr. Irene Chua came and did ve and said 5cm dilated. midwife asked me whether I wanted epidural this round and i said i wanted to try going without epi this time. Dr. bursted my water bag. could not tahan the pain after some time. Told another midwife Patricia about the need for epidural. The anesthestist came and administered the epidural. could feel electric currents running down my right leg as it jerked. after epi, i was so much happier. there were some itchiness and i try to tahan.
midwife patricia came to help me pass out my urine. gosh, din realise that i had been holding my urine for a long time. passed out a lot. the midwife said it should be soon cos after clearing, baby will have space to move down the birth canal. true enough, i felt the pain even though i used epidural. told her that i can feel the pain and she checked and said i'm ready to push. pushed 2 or 3 times and then said to hold on. gynae's coming. pushed another 1 or 2 and my darling Yi En was out at 11.01am.
She cried really hard and she was red. very different from her bro who was looking around the room curiously and quietly. latched my gal on after they cleaned her up. her weight was 2.59kg, her length was 47cm and head circumference was 30cm. We were then sent to Ward 81 Room 23.
Pregnancy updates (long overdue :)
It has been a long time since I updated this blog especially about my pregnancy. Have been very tired in the 3rd trimester. Yi En's weight was 1.7kg as at wk 32 which was a bit of a concern as that is considered small. Was advised to eat more protein food to help her gain weight. her weight was 2.2kg as at wk 35 and gynae said it's better.
went down to gynae on 29 Nov. She's now 2.7kg. told gynae about the brown discharge i had a couple of days ago and the braxton hicks. she did VE and said that I'm 3 cm dilated and baby's head is very low. she can almost touch it. Was asked if I wanted to choose a date and give birth or let it happen naturally. I said let it be natural but that night, I had cramps and it got even worse eventually. Tried to tahan till 6am. andy kept waking up to check on me. told him i'm not sure if it's braxton hicks or contractions. anyway, andy said to just go down to kkh and check it out.
More of my delivery updates in the next post.
went down to gynae on 29 Nov. She's now 2.7kg. told gynae about the brown discharge i had a couple of days ago and the braxton hicks. she did VE and said that I'm 3 cm dilated and baby's head is very low. she can almost touch it. Was asked if I wanted to choose a date and give birth or let it happen naturally. I said let it be natural but that night, I had cramps and it got even worse eventually. Tried to tahan till 6am. andy kept waking up to check on me. told him i'm not sure if it's braxton hicks or contractions. anyway, andy said to just go down to kkh and check it out.
More of my delivery updates in the next post.
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